So often I witness the irony of how women on this journey put their lives on hold when trying to bring new life in. It is a perfectly natural reaction to stop activity when trying to conceive, and it looks like this – no skiing vacation as this might be the month, no new clothes as we might need pregnancy clothes in a few months, no changing careers as the health insurance is needed for the delivery…on and on….so many choices based on protecting the intention of pregnancy.
I was a master at this for many years – putting all on hold in order to save all my focus and energy (and yes, money too!) towards my fertility attempts. So many plans put on hold – to a point of almost forgetting who I used to be before infertility. And not only were the plans were silenced, but also the passions – the things that used to give me joy. As the tunnel vision became more and more narrow, focused on the image of the life (the baby) I didn’t have, the less I would see what I did have – a full life…a good life with a marriage, a home, family, health, friends, work, a beloved pet. But instead the inability to be in gratitude for what was, even the vacations I did partake in became more of an escape to mourn, rather than an adventure to discover and enjoy.
Have you been unable to live or even conceive of living in the dichotomy of having a joyful life AND being sad that the baby was not yet here? Is the fearful thought of never having a baby too great to enjoy the present? What is the cost?
All of these ‘life holds’ – every denial of joy – are exactly the opposite energy that we actually need to bring into play! Life begets life! Putting our lives on hold only creates stagnancy where we need movement, lost opportunities where we need options and regret where we need hope.
Most of the women I have coached on this journey have discovered that they have put their lives on hold (to some extent) without consciously doing so. It was simply a natural reaction to protect their fertility efforts…their heart’s desire. Rediscovering lost dreams and set aside passions can be awakened and brought back into the present and embraced. And with that comes a back one’s zest for life, for plans, for passions and for play. And for life to be lived more fully – even while we wait.
Three ways to bring back your passion and your play:
One. Get back in touch with the You before infertility. Pull out your journal and spend time daily writing about your lost loves. Ideally, twenty minutes a day will get your creative juices flowing and you will reconnect with those things that brought you joy. If you find journaling challenging, start with looking at photo albums from when you first dated your partner, or your vacations together.
Two. Choose one of your joys and do it! Whether is it taking a painting class, hiking an undiscovered trail, reading a romance novel or finally touring that vineyard and enjoying the wine….do it.
Three. Spend time in meditation and gratitude that life still has a richness to it that can still be accessed, that you have the ability to choose life daily, and that when in that high vibration of gratitude, you invite life in with that choice.
By Michelle Galatoire, www.michellegalatoire.com